In our personal and professional lives, it's natural to want to help those we care about. Whether it's a friend, colleague, or family member, being the go-to person for advice and support can be both rewarding and taxing. However, it’s important to recognise when this role starts to impact your mental well-being and when it's necessary to step back, allowing others to make their own decisions, good or bad.
Many of us easily fall into the role of the listener. We become the sounding board for friends’ dilemmas, colleagues' work-related issues, and family members' personal problems. Our empathy drives us to invest emotionally, often taking on their stress as our own. While it feels good to help, this constant absorption of others' problems can take a toll on our mental health.
More often than not, advice given with the best intentions can be weaponised against us. A friend might say, “You told me to do this, and look what happened!” Such situations not only damage relationships but also make us wary of offering help in the future. It's a delicate balance between being supportive and allowing others to learn from their own experiences.
It's perfectly okay to prioritise your mental health. Here are some tips on how to step away from being the perpetual listening friend while establishing healthy boundaries:
1. Set Clear Boundaries: Let your friends know that while you value your relationship, you also need time for yourself. It's okay to decline being the problem-solver sometimes.
2. Encourage Self-Reliance: Instead of giving direct advice, ask questions that guide them to their own solutions. This empowers them to think independently and make their own decisions.
3. Limit Your Availability: It's important to be there for your friends, but not at the cost of your own well-being. Allocate specific times for listening and helping, and ensure you have enough time for self-care.
4. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that rejuvenate you. Whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply enjoying a quiet moment, ensure you’re taking care of your own needs.
5. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, the issues your friends face are beyond your ability to help. Encourage them to seek professional advice when necessary.
Allowing people to make their own decisions is a part of their growth process. It’s essential for their development and helps them learn valuable life lessons. By setting boundaries and prioritising your mental health, you ensure that your support remains sustainable and genuine. Remember, being a good friend doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being—it means being there in a healthy, balanced way.
By Shilz, for CML.
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